Top 5 Things Parents Need to Know about Newborn Sleep
Caring for a newborn is not for the faint of heart. When I gave birth to my first son, I left the corporate world of project management and got promoted to the most challenging (yet rewarding) project management position there is – motherhood.
I had to keep track of when he fed from the left side, when he fed from the right side, how long he fed for, number of pee and poo diapers, how many days it took for his umbilical cord to fall off, what time he fell asleep, what time he woke up, how many total minutes he slept (not very many). It’s A LOT to keep track of. I didn’t realize when I got pregnant that I would also have to become a neuroscientist and mathematician to understand his sleeping patterns.
Here's the good news! I’ve spent countless hours in the middle of the night figuring this all out so you don’t have to! As a now third time mom, I realize how important it is to enjoy mothering a newborn and how important it is for us as mothers to relax into it. Armored with a little bit of knowledge, some support from someone who gets it – and maybe a glass of wine too – we can do this motherhood thing.
The results are in…here’s what I’ve learned over the years about infant sleep:
No baby hates sleep, they might just need extra help
Two things to know here – Every baby comes out with a different temperament and every baby comes out not knowing the difference between day and night. Some babies make that transition easily and other need a little extra help figuring it out. But babies do not hate sleep. It’s a biological need. Babies may have a difficult time transcending into sleep because they may be overtired, undertired, overstimulated, uncomfortable or hungry. The first three months of life is a time of getting to know each other. Once your baby’s sleep needs are met, you will more than likely have a happier, calmer baby.
The quality of naps influence night sleep
Naps are crucial to improving learning and memory, brain development and coping skills. If you have a day of crap naps, you may be in for a rough night. It’s true when they say sleep begets sleep. A well-rested baby will have an easier time falling asleep and staying asleep. The trick here is making sure the nap sleep is evenly dispersed throughout the day. Babies generally have an average number of hours in their “sleep bank” for the day. If they use up a majority of their hours on the morning nap, there won’t be enough hours left in the “bank” to keep baby rested until bedtime. Balance is key!
Sleep consolidation is developmental
Consolidated sleep is sleep that is uninterrupted. As babies approach 4 months, their sleep cycles start to mature, become more dynamic and typically last 30-45 minutes. Welcome to short naps! And, yes, while we would love to see babies taking long luxurious naps in their own crib, this means they would have to learn how to “connect” or “consolidate” sleep cycles. Meaning they come out of a lighter phase of sleep and then drift back into a deeper phase of sleep without external help. Here’s the thing…this typically does not developmentally happen until closer to five months of age! Keep giving them the space and opportunity to connect sleep cycles, but if it doesn’t happen today, tomorrow is another day to practice.
A sleep schedule shouldn’t be based on the time you see on the clock
Figuring out your baby’s optimal “wake times” or “wake windows” is vital to developing a schedule and getting your baby to fall asleep – and stay asleep – easily. And until baby is on a solid two-nap schedule (~7-9 months) it can be difficult to predict when baby will sleep and for how long. This means the “schedule” – including bedtime – will shift day to day based on when naps started and ended.
Consistency is key, yet flexibility is possible
Sounds contradictory, right? Here are my recommendations on where to stay consistent and where you can be flexible:
Wake up time should be consistent, but within 30 minutes. For example, ideally your baby wakes up for the day at 6:30am but 6am or 7am would be acceptable as to not totally throw off the rest of your day.
Two naps of the day should be done in the crib at home (starting ~2 or 3 months). I always recommend the first nap of the day be consistently at home as this is typically the easiest, the longest and sets the stage for those independent sleep skills you want them to have for as long as a child naps (~3-4 years).
Be flexible with the afternoon/early evening naps. Those naps are typically harder to get so those are good ones to do in the car while you listen to a podcast or in the rocking chair while reading a book.
Stay consistent with a pre-sleep routine. This means for crib naps and bedtime. A simple pre-sleep routine would include a feed, diaper change, book, sleep sack/swaddle, lullaby and special “sleepy time phrase” you say to your baby before every sleep. Over time, they will take this as their cue that sleep time is coming.
Be flexible with bedtime. “What?!” you say, “But everything I’ve read says bedtime should be consistent!” Here’s my take. Yes, the bedtime routine should be consistent, but the time does not have to be – and probably won’t be – based on the baby’s naps and wake windows. Especially during nap transition periods bedtime can be 6:30pm one night and 7:30pm the next.
There you have it! My top five things every parent should know about infant sleep. Be sure to check out my Newborn Sleep Survival Guide for everything you should expect in the first 12 weeks of your baby's life. In this 12-page guide, you'll learn how to form healthy sleep patterns, the science behind sleep, the secret to better naps, how to practice independent sleep and more. Plus, you'll get three months-worth of sleep and feeding schedules.